Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Parents Say the Darndest Things

Parenting: To Each His Own, right?
We all have our special styles and methods to our madness. I don't spank and I try very hard not to scream at my kids. Instead, I'd like to think I "enlighten" them; get them to see things my way through tidbits of "wisdom" here and there. Or I just like to mess with them.
Call them lies, scare tactics or just blabbered nonsense spewed out of a sleep deprived SAHM, but here are

My 10 Most DaFuq? Things I Have Said to My Children while "Parenting"

10. I said there aren't nuts in these, those are chocolate seeds.
9. If you dig up that dead lizard, he will haunt you. I don't want a ghost lizard hanging around here.
8. Soda makes children hyper. And obnoxious.
7. If you take the garbage out of there again, I will put YOU in the garbage. Just kidding...am I? Don't find out.
6. I'm 22. That's really, really young. In case your real mom asks.
5. Darn it, the radio is broken and stuck on my station again.
4. No, that's totally chicken. (It wasn't)
3. You can be anything you want when you're older... Yes, even a dog.
2. Whining noises make my ears fall off of my face... Because I'm allergic to the sound.
1. I know everything because I am half fairy. Fairies can always tell when you're lying.

Okay, you caught me. I may have said a couple of things for my own entertainment, but I stand behind my words. No one has ever said my kids lacked imagination. So I'm good. Goooooood "

RIP Lizzy

Do you have your own DaFuq? moments of "parenting"? Certainly I'm not the only creative one around here.


  1. i tell lies like this all the time. i remember once i told my son that green beans were actually green french fries. i can't remember them all, but i make stuff up on the go all the time.

    1. I told Averie snap peas were garden candies. Worked for about 10 seconds. Oh and asparagus was Bibbidy Bobbido Boo wands. That actually worked for a couple of years.

    2. Grandpa Kent told Gigi snap peas were "sassy peas" and if she ate them she would be less sassy.

  2. I use the chicken on all the time.

    1. And that particular time, it was rabbit. I'm evil.

  3. I prefer "in case your other mother asks" not "real"... ;)

    1. Lol I agree. I hate it when they pull the real mom crap.
      Their end of the conversation went like this:
      My REAL mom is 29. How old are you?