Friday, December 20, 2013

How to Move a Car


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The Car
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Who needs keys when you have a live wire?
My husband likes old cars. However, the thing about old cars is, they can be a little tricky to drive. In the off chance that you ever have to move my husband's 1979 Mercedes 300D (like I did this morning) I have outlined the steps involved to successfully get the car from one side of the street to the other.

1.Start The Car
This should be pretty easy, right? Put the keys in and Boom! you're good to go? Nope. Not this car.
1. Pop The Hood (you have to find a little lever in the grill, pull it and lift the 40 lb hood up, find a stick and prop it so you're head does not get chopped off by a falling hood)
2. Get the stripped red wire that is sitting on the passenger seat, ground one end of the wire and put the other end on the positive battery post.
3. Hold the wire until it becomes hot (you've just learned half the steps to hot wire a car!)
4. Get back in the car, put the clutch in neutral.
5. PUT YOUR FOOT ON THE BREAKS BECAUSE THE CAR IS MOVING ON IT'S OWN WITH THE HOOD STILL UP!
6. Cuss your husband out for not putting the Ebrake on.
7. Realize that the Ebrake just doesn't work and steer the car into the gutter.
8. More cussing.
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The red wires! Which red wires? The red wires that are next to each other. Oh. OKAY. (more cussing)
9. Find the two red wires under the dash that are next to each other.
10. Put the stripped, raw parts of the wires together (that's the second half to hot wiring a car!) and the car should start.
11. Take the wire off the battery and remove your "propping stick" before closing the hood.

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12. Realize that the front tire is totally flat and kick it dramatically.
13. Get embarrassed when the cute neighbor drives by and waves.
14. Sit in the car and wait for it to warm up (2 minutes).
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15. Turn on the windshield wipers to clean off the condensation
15. Use your hand to wipe away enough condensation so you can see 
15. The damn windshield keeps fogging up, so just "Ace Ventura it" with your head out the window.
16. VERY slowly, attempt a 7 point turn and stall the car, blocking the street.
17. Cussing.
18. Repeat steps 1-11
19. Complete the 9 point turn and chug to the other side of the street. Safe from the street sweeper.
20. Stall the car because you can't figure out how to turn it off. Or get it out of reverse.

And that's it! You've moved the car 20 meters in a record time of 27 minutes!
***crickets**




3 comments:

  1. I'm telling you, girl. You need a reality show. I cannot stop laughing!

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  2. So proud of you! Never thought to hotwire. I just pushed and prayed I could hop in and steer/brake before I hit something.Am keeping this as a tutorial.

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  3. hahahaa! you need way more "cussing" steps!

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