Thursday, November 7, 2013

Pulling My Hair Out-Stepmom Talk

I don't talk to my husband's ex wife. It works better for everyone that way....except when the lack of communication makes life a royal pain in the ass.
Since school resumed for the kids, there has been extra stress between all of us regarding homework. This is something that needs to be a shared responsibility between all the parents, because we split custody mid week instead of simple, alternating weekends. You can probably guess that it doesn't work out that way.
Frequently, the kids forget their homework, backpacks, permission slips, jackets, projects and folders at school, babysitter's, at their mom's and in their mom's car, resulting in headaches and annoyance on my part.
Since there is ZERO communication between me and ex wife, I have to constantly go through my husband to relay messages to her.
A simple, direct text saying " _____ is missing her homework" turns into me having to get a hold of my husband (which is a job in and of itself), he has to get a hold of her (even harder than me getting a hold of my husband), she has to get back to him(gah!), he has to get a hold of me and by the time we are all in the know of the situation, it is too late to turn in homework on time anyways and I am really, really mad. Like, really.
I am just full of frustration and annoyance over the situation. I don't want the kids to fail school and I certainly don't want their teachers to think that I don't care about their homework. Because, in all honesty, that's what it seems like. We have the kids on Mondays and 1 out of 3 times, the homework packet we turn in is incomplete.
I am almost to the point where I want to wash my hands of the girl's school work...but you know I am not that person.
Anyone else been here?


  1. I can so relate to this. The communication part is so hard with being a stepparent. In my case my husband and his ex do not communicate at all with each other. His ex chooses to communicate through me so I entirely feel in the middle. Ugh.

  2. We use a site called Talking Parents. It's monitored through the court and we use it to talk to the ex and her new husband. No one can tell who's talking to whom since either one of us can log on and communicate using my husbands name and visa versa on their end using her name. I've sent most of the messages through it regarding my step son and it works great for when I need an answer from her asap without her getting defensive, since she can't tell if it's me or my husband lol.

    Other than that, it sounds like you may need to get your schedule changed to where you and your husband can monitor the kids school work better, since she refuses to take responsibilty. If you've been documenting all the times the kids forget their work or she continues to drop the ball, and you can get the teacher to document in writing how often they don't get their work done after they've been on her time, you'd have a solid case to get more custody. I know court is the pain in the ass, but if she's not taking care of her kids properly it will save you stress (and money) in the long run. Good luck, and remember to keep telling yourself you won't have to deal with her forever ;) ( 18th birthdays are the best birthdays for a step parent! LOL )

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