Friday, June 21, 2013

Super Mom Syndrome

Photo by Steven J Kelly Photography

It has been just about a year since getting remarried and becoming a step mom to 3 and SAHM to a total of 4 children. Let's recap the pitfalls and pratfalls.
Needing to be Super Mom
In the beginning of this, I wanted to be The Mom That Does Everything. Weekly bread baking sessions, vacuuming 3x a day, taking the kids to everywhere, home cooked meals and daily kid's crafting sessions. I mean, it was at least 8 months before I caved and bought frozen pizza for dinner.
What I've learned: Very little, unfortunately. I have since started a Girl Scout Troop and joined the PTA presidency. However, we eat a lot of frozen pizza. I am still working on lowering the bar and doing less. THIS IS NOT ME HUMBLEBRAGGING. I really screwed myself with this one. I have 4 kids that expect to be entertained and schlepped to amusement parks, museums and beaches all the time. So, I occasionally throw a bag of Doritos at them, turn on Netflix and let them work it out while I do whatever.
Being Peppy Pretty Mom all the time
A year ago, I would wake up before the kids and apply makeup. Because that is what kids need to see, right? A mom that is put together and ready to go at 7 am with a hot effing breakfast ready!
What I've learned: While I am easier on the eyes with my Bare Minerals on, being completely dolled up for everyone all the time is exhausting. Freaking exhausting. In a way, I was trying to impress my husband, but really I was trying to impress his kids. Like, I was waiting for one of them to say "Look at our new mom! She is SO perfect all the time. She's THE BEST". FYI that didn't and will never happen, and is incredibly unhealthy thinking. Now I don't think that way anymore and wake up with a morning face like everyone else. Plus, when I get dressed up I get a "Hey Mom, you look nice today".
Wanting to be "Their Mom"
 It sucks to be grocery shopping and have someone say, "Oh are these your girls? They're so {insert whatever}" only to have a kid pipe up and say, "NO, SHE'S MY STEP MOM" before you can even answer. Why does it suck so much? Because once the Step Mom title comes out, who ever asked you if they were your kids feels stupid. And then you feel stupid. She feels awkward for asking, but you feel awkward for existing.
What I've Learned: I'm not their mom. So WTF about it. I have a kick ass daughter of my own, and these are my bonus kids. If someone thinks less of me or wants to draw a conclusion (it's ALWAYS the home wrecker conclusion, isn't it???) as to why I have 3 little Hispanic girls with me, that is their own business. I just have to toughen up and move on. Key phrase: TOUGHEN UP
Wanting to fit in
It sucks to feel left out. During the summer, my daughter (the one who looks like me...ahem..the white kid) goes to live with her dad, leaving me the odd one. Literally, there's 5 of us.
What I've Learned: I will NEVER fit in. My Spanish will always suck, I will always be a green eyed blondie, and I will never, ever, ever be THEIR MOM! If I tried to completely assimilate into
THE SUAREZ FAMILY where would that leave my little Nelson daughter?
So, instead of blending in, I am the star.

I hope my year's reflection hits the nail on the head for a few of you new moms, step moms and experienced moms that are new SAHM's, too. Because I am pretty sure I biffed this year up, but unfortunately that is how I navigate through life. I really am WrongWay PeachFuzz, but I feel like I am back on track today.

9 comments:

  1. Wow! This is really great! I admire you so much! I have 4 of my own and 2 step children and have felt exactly like you do on many MANY occasions. It's so nice to see someone going through the same things but putting a positive spin on it all.

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    1. Thank you! I don't think there's too much to admire, lol. I have had a lot of hard knocks and when I feel positive (like it did yesterday when I wrote this) I just have to share. Staying optimistic and making sure I am grounded is tricky. How do you do it? Do you do it?

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  2. Love ya woman and as a mom that has a stepmom too - I appreciate you. Yes you are a star for what little and all you do everyday xoxo

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    1. Thank you! I'm so glad you read and commented. You're always so sweet ;)

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  3. What a great post! It shows such insight into being a step mom. It sounds like you are doing a great job! As long as your genuine, all of your kids will appreciate you!

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    1. Thank you :) Step Mother insight is turning into my specialty lol. The funny thing is, the more I focus on being THE STEPMOM the better my relationship with my ex husband and his wife gets. Full circle.

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    1. In my immediate family, yes. The rest of those Suarez folks are loud Colombians. I can't compete with the Latin's.

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